Is it Time to Go?
Dear Leader,
How will you know when it’s time to leave the role you’re in? You’ve been struggling with this question for a while now, and I appreciate that it’s not easy. Whether we like it or not, our jobs form a significant part of our identity: they provide for ourselves, our families, and hopefully for our futures. They can be amazing or miserable or both, but they are also familiar and known, and leaving for the unknown can be incredibly unsettling.
After a decade of working with leaders who have been in all stages of job transition, I’ve learned a few things about when it’s time to go.
It’s probably time to go if:
You find yourself saying, “I just need to care less, and then it will be okay.” Most people thinking about leaving a job will try this at least once, but I’m sorry to tell you it doesn’t usually work. Most people want and need to care about their job for it to be fulfilling.
You find that you’re contorting yourself into a smaller, less interesting, less visible version of yourself. One experienced dynamic leader I know joined a biotech a year before we started working together. She decided it was going to be her last job before she retired and had it all planned out. But then it became clear the culture was not a good fit — they weren’t listening to her ideas. She tried to make herself small. “Maybe I’ll just try to be the pepper to their stew,” she said, meaning that she knew she wasn’t being included in the main discussions (the stew), so maybe she could settle for bringing a little spice. She left a few months later.
A few other signals it’s probably time to go:
You’ve tried everything you can think of to change what’s wrong, including your own approach or attitude, and nothing has changed
You can’t talk about anything else and all conversational roads lead back to your job
You’ve asked for what you need, for help, and don’t get it
Everything that happens at work is irritating, agitating, unfulfilling, and makes you upset
You’re having repeated dreams or nightmares about the organization, your boss, or your co-workers
So . . . is it really time to go?
The answer is yes. It doesn’t mean you have to leave today, but it’s time to start imagining a new future for yourself. It’s much more rewarding to leave for something positive than to leave in frustration with nothing to look forward to on the horizon. Coaching can be an incredible support for that because sometimes we get so near-sighted from the position we’ve been in that we can’t even see or imagine what options are out there.
Here are three books I love for support during times of transition, especially for building excitement for what comes next:
Transitions by William Bridges
Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck
Designing Your New Work Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans
Facing that it’s time to go is scary, but I almost always see it end up being a great decision, leading to a more interesting and fulfilling life. So stop fighting yourself and all the signs that it’s time to leave, and start making a move toward something new.
Cheering for you,
Carolyn
Carolyn Murphy
Chief Executive Officer
Center for Trauma and Leadership